Monthly Archives: October 2015

The Golden Domers vs The Owls

Gameday decided to show up in downtown Philly. Desmond will make more references to Rocky than Stallone’s Wikipedia page.

TMZ reported that Bill Cosby is dusting off the Temple garb he wore during the Cosby show to see if he can get lucky with Keshia Knight Pulliam who played Rudy. According to Bill, “she all grown up now, time to meet ‘the Coz.'”

While I’d love to call the upset, I fear ND is gonna treat Temple like a DZ after fall formal…slip em a Ruffie then treat there a** like Grand Central.

Problem is Herbie (ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit) will treat this like its a real game and begin touting ND for a playoff spot. Next to THE Ohio State University, Kirk loves him some ND.

He has a huge Touchdown Jesus painting over his bed. It inspires him to “sacrifice” in bed. Then, there’s his continual references to his endowment as “Mr Golden Dome.” That, along with the, “F*k Like A Champion” sign he touches on his way out of the bathroom for the “football game” each week.

Clearly, his wife loves his commitment to football because it means she only needs to be “in shape” for 12 weeks in the fall and 1 bowl game. Herbie’s agent is negotiating the addition of a playoff format with her. Supposedly she’s open to a four game playoff with assurances it can never be expanded. No matter Irish roll 38-17.

Notre Dame (-10) @ Temple

The Temple Owls are 7-0 for the first time since Bill Cosby had sex with a girl that was lucid…which is never.  Even Cos’ wife, Camille, has admitted recently to waking up for decades dry-mouthed and craving Cheetos after a ride on the Jello-pudding train.

Let’s face it, Temple has had two good things in their history.  John Chaney and Bill Cosby.  Oh, and that badass Hoot-Owl mascot. Who didn’t love watching Chaney tell that cracker b*tch Calipari he was gonna cut him?!

And now, with Cosby getting exposed (hey, all I’m saying is if she goes up to the suite, she’s lookin’ for a treat), all Temple has left is that Owl.  Who?  Who?  Yeah, I went there.  Because I can.

I hate Notre Dame almost as much as Tennessee and Ohio State.  And Philly will be buzz’in like it hasn’t been since Iverson went all “Practice?!”  If this were a gang war, I’d side with Philly over South Bend, but it’s football.  Notre Dame is playing who?  Temple??  Tell Bill to have a Coke and a smile and shut the f*k up.  Irish 44 Hootie 20.

Stanford @ Wazzu

Tiger Woods’ doppelgänger (Stanford Head Coach David Shaw) is signing permission slips for his players to be excused from class on Friday for the athletic field trip to Pullman. They have a scheduled tour of an apple orchard to complete the educational portion of the trip.

Not to be outdone, Mike Leach is running an underground cock fighting ring just south of Yakima with several fifth year seniors. Just when you think Leach is done, the old swash buckler is back and on course to upset the pious Pac12.

He’s gonna keep kicking-a** and taking names. He brought in former #1 pick and WA St standout, Ryan Leaf, for the pre game talk Friday night. His passionate speech focused on how to royally screw up a sure thing. BTW, Ryan’s dropping a new ebook entitled “Becoming an NFL Bust for Dummies.”

Third string nose guard Jake Tuasipiano said it was the most inspirational thing he has heard in the locker room since tight end Tyrus LeQuatermain shared his Masters theses on banging hoes @ the family reunion.

Leach is obviously pushing all the right buttons. Add to that the fact that the game is on Halloween nite & we have all the makings of an upset. I got Wazzu 31-30.

Stanford (-10) @ WAZZU

At least that poor, flag-carrying bastard came close to getting GameDay to come to him.  But no, “pack the sammiches and the van honey, we’re going to Philly!”.

Stanford has a black coach.  Let’s just deal with the elephant in the room right from start.  Yes, he’s mocha and he’s smart and according to Jimmy The Greek, he’s got an extra tendon (WTF???).

His players have responded well to his chiding since inexplicably losing to a bunch of med-students at Northwestern to start the season.  The Kidd doesn’t usually like the Pac-12 (USC cheerleaders and Arizona State drill teams aside), but this Cardinal bunch is peaking my interest.

Dominant running game and hard nosed-defense.  A regular Bert Bielema wet dream.  Minus the vat of Commander’s Palace white chocolate rum bread pudding of course.

State has one of this writer’s favorite coaches.  Old school in mindset, new school in offense.  If the flag waiving stalker decides to skip the trip to Temple, The Cougars have a chance.  But psychopaths rarely break protocol, so I’m going with the Cardinal.  Stanford 29 Washington State 28 in a close one.

Clemson (-10) @ NC State

Day-Damn-Shaun Watson and the Tigers were the Kidd’s pre-season pick to make the Final Four.   But, this is the kind of game Coach Twerker seemingly slips and falls on a weiner in each year.

Word is Thurl Bailey, Lorenzo Charles, and Dereck Whittenburg are doing a book signing at Starbucks in Raleigh rather than attending the game, and the recording of the Jimmy V pre-game pep talk has fallen on deaf ears in the locker room.

Carter-Finlev Stadium will be loud for about a quarter before The Kidd’s Natty pick routs the place.  Dabo 48 State 24.

Clemson @ NC State

This falls into the category of who gives a flying F*k!!! What is a flying f*k anyway? According to Wikipedia, State is “currently” coached by Dave Doeren. Who? Exactly.

He’s a former Drake linkebacker. Putting Drake on your football resume is like touting your time at Penn State on your work experience to be an intern for Child Protective Services.

The Pack has about as much chance of winning as Jimmy V did against cancer. Dabo on the other hand is a media darling. He’s a rockstar.

Truth is, he’s the most overrated Clemson coach since Danny Ford…except he hasn’t won a Natty. Dabo is Hootie Dale (former Arkansas coach Houston Nutt) with better dance moves. Word on the street is that Dabo is bringing Al Golden in as a special advisor cause he loves what he stands for.

Of course the Kidd loves Dabo. He loves anyone who talks a good game but doesn’t actually win any hardware (see Lebron James). Yeah, I know he has a couple of rings…thanks Mr Wade. The Kidd will go on & on about how hard it is to win a game on the road…pure bloviating.

This game is less interesting than a bra less Caitlyn Jenner. Poor cat let that witch Kris Kardashian talking him into becoming a woman. In actuality, she’s a dude. She’s been packing more meat than daughter Kim’s oversized hooch. She/he orchestrated OJs murderous rampage to give wife, Robert, a leg up in her career.

A source close to the Kardashians claims Kris is torqued that Katina Powell is getting major pub for pimping out skanks to the Louisville basketball team, when she/he has been pimping out her kids to potential playas for years. In the end, NC State is overmatched. Clemson spanks the pack 45-24.

OSU @ TTech

Cowboy nation is still reeling from the crash that took out several people. TBoone has done everything to buy a championship except move the team outta Stillwater.

Meanwhile, Ryan Gosling (Texas Tech Head Coach Cliff Kingsbury) is spending more time ogling pics of himself on snapchat. He carries two selfie sticks…you know…just in case. Too bad Mike Leach is gone because he cared about one thing…winning.

Reportedly, Kingsbury gets off on crushing p*ssy in the equipment room where Leach banished Craig James’ walk-on son during his migraine headache episodes. Difference is…he wants the lights on & cameras rolling.

Cat has a burgeoning specialty porn site that focuses on college football coaches who resemble B actors. Local Lubbock beat writer & former Red Raiders coach Spike Dykes, got wind of Kingsbury formally requesting the horse ridden by “the masked Rider” for his porn adaption of ‘Zoro, the Gay Blade.”

Apparently the request was denied because administration officials suspected he had different plans for the horse. Not to be dissuaded, Kingsbury decided to play the role of the horse too. Critics say he wasn’t convincing as the horse because he lacked commitment during the intimate scenes. In the end, OSU has too much talent. Da ‘Boys cap the Red Raiders 38-35.

Dogs v Gators

The worlds largest cocktail party. Of course, Coach Richt honors his staunch baptist upbringing and abstains…from winning that is. His seat in Athens is hotter than the inner thighs of a fat woman wearing extra wide whale corduroy pants.

The Dogs under Richt are like the Longhorns under…everybody, they underachieve like a small town boy with big city dreams.

Of course, they are playing the Gators whose coach has chompers rivaled only by Morton Downey Jr. Gators are up and coming and looking to regain their lofty perch in the lowly SEC East. Truth is, the SEC East should not even be in the SEC. They should be the 3rd division of the ACC, called the Wetlands division.

Regardless, the Kidd is one of the few who still cares about old school rivalries. You know the ones only old people care about. Georgia is the chubby bridesmaid and every girl’s best friend. They get invited to the big party but never get to pop their cherry. They occasionally get done doggy-style by a former high-school star who peaked in 11th grade. But, in this game, they get over on the Gators. UGA wins 24-17.

The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party

Wait!!!  What?!  How f*k’in uppity, Savannah-Charlestony, old money referency is that bullsh*t?!  Just play the damn game already.  It’s football…not cotillion.

Amateur drunks and Chi-Omega co-eds will litter the most worthless neutral site for a football game in all of sports.  Speaking of Chi-Omega’s the Kidd took this Chi-O gal home once after a Sigma Chi toga party and banged the…(my apologies, I digress)

While we’re digressing, why does The Kidd hate Mark Richt?  And, has anyone EVER seen Jim McElwain and Jim Bob Duggar at the same place at the same time?!!  The answer is “hell no you haven’t!!!”

The Kidd has known something was amiss with that Duggar bunch for a while.  Twenty bleepin’ rugrats?!  Huh uh.

There’s also something amiss in Athens.  It’s Groundhog Day there.  Same story every season.  It’s time for Mark Richt to go full-on Tiger Woods if we wants to save his job and legacy at The UGA.

This prayer breakfast stuff ain’t workin.  Where’s the fruit?!  9-3 every year with a Top 5 recruiting class within 50 miles of campus ain’t cut’in it.  Ditch the Meals-on-Wheels Ministry, Mark!  Stop being nice to widows and orphans.

Grab one of those interns and pork her on the plane and let’s go 12-0 for a change!!!  Ugh.  Until then, we won’t know which Jaw-Juh team will show up.  I’m calling this one 24-21 Dawgs, but only because Jim Bob Duggar has a lot of damn kids to keep up with on the opposing sideline.

Rebels v War Eagle

Hoddy Toddy got back on track against the Faggies last week. War Eagle lost a heartbreaker to the Hogs. The Kidd bumped into Brett Bielema outside the Broyles center on the UA campus and smelled the distinct aroma of chitlins and pickled pigs feet on his breath. Which is a great sign for Hog fans cause it means he’s been in the swamps of Louisiana recruiting.

The Kidd has a hard on for Hugh Freeze & the Rebels. It’s some sort of southern pride racist man crush. He has wet dreams of being stuck in the Grove with a red ball in his mouth while one of those big mouthed Kappa Alpha sweethearts spanks his a** & calls him names. I guess at this point, whatever helps him get thru the night is understandable.

Back to the game, high school coach v high school coach. They are basically two sides of the same coin. Word on the plains is that Gus has this one circled cause he wants to maintain his status as most successful former high school coach.

Privately, he’s miffed that Art Briles gets all that attention. Kristi has gone Mamie Eisenhower & consulted psychics & a New Orleans voodoo priestess. She is now torturing a specially made Hugh Freeze voodoo doll. Gus is relieved cause Kristi now has a “hobby” & is “leaving (him) the hell alone.” Rebels appear to have the better team, but it’s Halloween, it’s Jerden-Hare, it’s crazy Kristi… I gotta go with the home team to eek out a win…Tigers 41-37.