The good news about this rivalry is that every year some waste-of-space Alabama redneck dies after the game. Usually in a domestic dispute. “Row Tie, Billy Ray!”. “Awww hay-ill naw, Woa Eega, Shar’n Jean!!!”
Then, somebody gets stabbed with a garden spade. Aaaand Splat! One less extra-chromosomed ‘Bama mutant to draw a government check. The kind of people cousin Emmett rolls with.
There’s less love in this rivalry than between Smokes and Da KIDD. These universities (and I use that term loosely) have more mascots between them than Rhodes Scholars. Tide, elephants, tigers, eagles.
I hate double-mascots, too. You’re The Tide but you’re an elephant? That’s like Smokes. You smoke cigars but you like to pick out floral patterned place settings? Pick a mascot, Alabama peeps. And pick a gender, Smokes.
Da KIDD has seen his share of Iron Bowls through the years. This game often has little to do with talent, much like Smokes’ picks and posts. This game is about Phyllis from Mulga and Harvey Updike, Jr.
You know, that bumblef*ck who poisoned the trees in Toomer’s Corner, called into Finebaum to admit it, and got sentenced to 3 years on an agricultural damage charge. An agri-damage charge?? Does that make him a boll-wevil?? That’s the kind of morons that support these teams.
Updike is an avid reader and contributor to Smokes’ column by the way. He comments under the alias “Big purple units up my a** weren’t worth killing those trees over.” Live and learn, Harv.
Da KIDD has lived and learned, and Da KIDD knows that Kristy Malzahn’s husband has his best game plan of the year installed for the little midget’s defense. Auburn has athletes, too. They WILL cover, and Da KIDD is telling you to get a little on the Eagles, er, Tigers straight up in this one. Auburn 30 Row Tie 27