Monthly Archives: November 2017

Dawgs Mark Territory

When the powers that be in Athens decided to end the era of mediocrity in the University of Georgia football program by firing Mark Richt, many, including DaKidd, felt it was a mistake.

Why would you fire a guy that averaged between 9 and 10 wins a year??? Simple, you want to compete for championships!!!

Richt ‘seems’ like a good guy…with his southern drawl and his ‘aw shucks’ sort of attitude. The truth is…Richt is a classic underachiever…which explains DaKidd’s unrelenting love for him.

I mean, DaKidd loves Richt so much, you’d think Mark had pictures of him doing unspeakable things to animals. But, since DaKidd willing shows you those pics, it ain’t that.

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But, this isn’t about how things used to be, this is about how things are today. Nick Saban protege, Kirby Smart, has his Dawgs playing at an historic level. They are 9-0 for the first time since their one and only National Championship season back in 1982.

Interesting side note, DaKidd was kicked out of his after school program in 1982 for taking action on the pee-wee football league. Rumor has it that DaKidd, who played QB for his team, was also shaving points. Although nothing was ever definitively proven, he was banned for life from competing in amateur athletics in the state of Nevada.

Not since Herschel Walker was blowing up SEC defenses has UGA been this dominant. The Dawgs are playing tough on defense, running the ball, and treating their opponents like Democrats treat women…use ’em, abuse ’em, then dump ’em.

To the chagrin of Lil Nicky Saban, Georgia has been ranked number one by the football playoff committee since their first official ranking was released a couple of weeks ago.

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Georgia is benefiting from an early season win in South Bend over the 4th ranked Notre Dame Fighting Irish. ‘Bama has yet to have a signature win, so the Committee has it right.

Georgia has already punched its ticket to Atlanta for the SEC Championship game, something Richt’s team’s struggled to do. Their playoff hopes are so close to being realized, they can almost taste it.

Now, they take their show on the road to face a tough Auburn team and embattled coach Gus Malzahn.

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Rumors out of Auburn are that Gus’s job is on the line. If he loses to Georgia, and Alabama in the Iron Bowl, he most likely will be out. So, expect the Tigers to play inspired football.

Problem is, the Tigers are lacking something. Much like DaKidd, the Tigers lack championship character. They have a lot of talent, but find ways to lose games they should win (see LSU game earlier this year).

Were it not for a fluke play a few years ago, Auburn would never have made the BCS Championship game where they lost to that crab-leg jacking, co-ed crotch plundering, NFL team disappointing…Jameis Winston and his Florida State CrimiNOLES.

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Today’s game will be a throwback to the SEC of yesteryear. DEFENSE, DEFENSE, DEFENSE!!! Auburn will have more difficulty scoring than DaKidd at an Amish barn raising.

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The Tiger’s offensive woes continue as the Bulldogs’ defensive line makes life hard for Jarrett Stidham and the Auburn running game. So Gus’s fingers will be sticky-free, no waffles and no Kristi for you Coach…

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Georgia QB Jake Fromm throws a coming out party on War Eagle with a big 4th quarter in which he leads his Dawg’s to the biggest victory in more than a decade, UGA 23 Auburn 16.

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Trouble Brewing In Stillwater

When word of the emancipation lawsuit filed by Smuggy The Urb Nog Mole against Ohio State Head Coach Urban Meyer reached Stillwater, the mullet attached to Mike Gundy’s dome took notice.

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It had no idea what the word emancipation meant, but the idea of a lawsuit against the head who is the head coach at Okie State was something to consider.

The Gundy mullet has become a cult hero due to exposure on ESPN’s College Game Day program. Coach Gundy’s quote that his mullet is worth over a million dollars inspired the mullet to become known as “Milly the Mullet.”

But, at a recent gathering of in-bred trailer park residents, Milly the Mullet, was encouraged to, “Show that uppity sumb!tch who wears the paints (pants) in the family.”

Milly’s sister/girlfriend/manager rasped, “You better kick Gundy’s a$$.”

The pressure on Milly to become his own man while not killing the goose that lays the golden eggs has reached epic proportions. Milly reached out to Smuggy the Urb Nog Mole’s peeps to talk the famous epidermal rise about how to handle all the noise. Smuggy refused to take the call.

So, left in a state of confusion, Milly and Mike are going thru the motions, keeping up appearances. Sources close to the coach fear the end is near, noting several appointments with local barbers which fortunately have been canceled at the last minute.

What does that mean for the game between the Oklahoma State Cowboys and the Oklahoma Sooners? Bedlam baby!!!

Heisman hopeful Baker Mayfield has bounced back since getting curb stomped by police in a late night incident in Northwest Arkansas last spring.

After planting his flag in more co-eds than Joey Freshwater in Orlando,

he wants to clip Gundy’s mullet and put the Cowboys in their place.

DaKidd is a huge mullet lover. Mullet guys are huge heroes of DaKidd. Dudes with mullets appear to be the kind of man DaKidd has always wanted to be, but isn’t. He wants to be cool and tough like Dalton from Roadhouse…

Our talented like Myley Cyrus’ Dad…

Or, sexy and desirable like Joe Dirt…

But the dome rug that puts the red in redneck, and the Da in DaKidd belongs to none other than Chuck Norris…

So while DaKidd’s man-crush on Milly will cause him to think OSU is the bet, that would be another mistake. Sorta like DaKidd’s penchant for picking up chick’s at family reunions.

This is an easy one…the Sooners treat the Cowboys like a mulleted factory worker treats his wife and dog…beats ‘em then f$&ks ‘em.

State gets out to a lead only to see Mayfield make another Heisman statement in throwing 4 TDs and running for a 5th in a 42-27 win in Stillwater.

After the game, pay attention to the Personal’s section on Backpage for DaKidd’s ad: “Semi-successful gambler seeks white-trash skanks for a night of drunken debauchery. You provide the trailer, I’ll bring the cigs.”