All posts by Nicky2Smokes

Dawgs Mark Territory

When the powers that be in Athens decided to end the era of mediocrity in the University of Georgia football program by firing Mark Richt, many, including DaKidd, felt it was a mistake.

Why would you fire a guy that averaged between 9 and 10 wins a year??? Simple, you want to compete for championships!!!

Richt ‘seems’ like a good guy…with his southern drawl and his ‘aw shucks’ sort of attitude. The truth is…Richt is a classic underachiever…which explains DaKidd’s unrelenting love for him.

I mean, DaKidd loves Richt so much, you’d think Mark had pictures of him doing unspeakable things to animals. But, since DaKidd willing shows you those pics, it ain’t that.

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But, this isn’t about how things used to be, this is about how things are today. Nick Saban protege, Kirby Smart, has his Dawgs playing at an historic level. They are 9-0 for the first time since their one and only National Championship season back in 1982.

Interesting side note, DaKidd was kicked out of his after school program in 1982 for taking action on the pee-wee football league. Rumor has it that DaKidd, who played QB for his team, was also shaving points. Although nothing was ever definitively proven, he was banned for life from competing in amateur athletics in the state of Nevada.

Not since Herschel Walker was blowing up SEC defenses has UGA been this dominant. The Dawgs are playing tough on defense, running the ball, and treating their opponents like Democrats treat women…use ’em, abuse ’em, then dump ’em.

To the chagrin of Lil Nicky Saban, Georgia has been ranked number one by the football playoff committee since their first official ranking was released a couple of weeks ago.

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Georgia is benefiting from an early season win in South Bend over the 4th ranked Notre Dame Fighting Irish. ‘Bama has yet to have a signature win, so the Committee has it right.

Georgia has already punched its ticket to Atlanta for the SEC Championship game, something Richt’s team’s struggled to do. Their playoff hopes are so close to being realized, they can almost taste it.

Now, they take their show on the road to face a tough Auburn team and embattled coach Gus Malzahn.

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Rumors out of Auburn are that Gus’s job is on the line. If he loses to Georgia, and Alabama in the Iron Bowl, he most likely will be out. So, expect the Tigers to play inspired football.

Problem is, the Tigers are lacking something. Much like DaKidd, the Tigers lack championship character. They have a lot of talent, but find ways to lose games they should win (see LSU game earlier this year).

Were it not for a fluke play a few years ago, Auburn would never have made the BCS Championship game where they lost to that crab-leg jacking, co-ed crotch plundering, NFL team disappointing…Jameis Winston and his Florida State CrimiNOLES.

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Today’s game will be a throwback to the SEC of yesteryear. DEFENSE, DEFENSE, DEFENSE!!! Auburn will have more difficulty scoring than DaKidd at an Amish barn raising.

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The Tiger’s offensive woes continue as the Bulldogs’ defensive line makes life hard for Jarrett Stidham and the Auburn running game. So Gus’s fingers will be sticky-free, no waffles and no Kristi for you Coach…

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Georgia QB Jake Fromm throws a coming out party on War Eagle with a big 4th quarter in which he leads his Dawg’s to the biggest victory in more than a decade, UGA 23 Auburn 16.

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Trouble Brewing In Stillwater

When word of the emancipation lawsuit filed by Smuggy The Urb Nog Mole against Ohio State Head Coach Urban Meyer reached Stillwater, the mullet attached to Mike Gundy’s dome took notice.

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It had no idea what the word emancipation meant, but the idea of a lawsuit against the head who is the head coach at Okie State was something to consider.

The Gundy mullet has become a cult hero due to exposure on ESPN’s College Game Day program. Coach Gundy’s quote that his mullet is worth over a million dollars inspired the mullet to become known as “Milly the Mullet.”

But, at a recent gathering of in-bred trailer park residents, Milly the Mullet, was encouraged to, “Show that uppity sumb!tch who wears the paints (pants) in the family.”

Milly’s sister/girlfriend/manager rasped, “You better kick Gundy’s a$$.”

The pressure on Milly to become his own man while not killing the goose that lays the golden eggs has reached epic proportions. Milly reached out to Smuggy the Urb Nog Mole’s peeps to talk the famous epidermal rise about how to handle all the noise. Smuggy refused to take the call.

So, left in a state of confusion, Milly and Mike are going thru the motions, keeping up appearances. Sources close to the coach fear the end is near, noting several appointments with local barbers which fortunately have been canceled at the last minute.

What does that mean for the game between the Oklahoma State Cowboys and the Oklahoma Sooners? Bedlam baby!!!

Heisman hopeful Baker Mayfield has bounced back since getting curb stomped by police in a late night incident in Northwest Arkansas last spring.

After planting his flag in more co-eds than Joey Freshwater in Orlando,

he wants to clip Gundy’s mullet and put the Cowboys in their place.

DaKidd is a huge mullet lover. Mullet guys are huge heroes of DaKidd. Dudes with mullets appear to be the kind of man DaKidd has always wanted to be, but isn’t. He wants to be cool and tough like Dalton from Roadhouse…

Our talented like Myley Cyrus’ Dad…

Or, sexy and desirable like Joe Dirt…

But the dome rug that puts the red in redneck, and the Da in DaKidd belongs to none other than Chuck Norris…

So while DaKidd’s man-crush on Milly will cause him to think OSU is the bet, that would be another mistake. Sorta like DaKidd’s penchant for picking up chick’s at family reunions.

This is an easy one…the Sooners treat the Cowboys like a mulleted factory worker treats his wife and dog…beats ‘em then f$&ks ‘em.

State gets out to a lead only to see Mayfield make another Heisman statement in throwing 4 TDs and running for a 5th in a 42-27 win in Stillwater.

After the game, pay attention to the Personal’s section on Backpage for DaKidd’s ad: “Semi-successful gambler seeks white-trash skanks for a night of drunken debauchery. You provide the trailer, I’ll bring the cigs.”

The Unusual Request

Ohio State has been fighting an uphill battle to get back into the playoff hunt since being embarrassed on their home field by Baker Mayfield and the Oklahoma Sooners.

Getting an opponents flag planted at  midfield in your home stadium is like getting asked to share a shower by Jerry Sandusky.

By the way, a petition to officially change the name of Penn State University to Penn Sodomy University is up to 453 people, which accounts for the entire published enrollment for NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association).

NAMBLA President Paul Ryan says, “Bringing sodomy out of the Penn State showers and into the mainstream is our number one objective. I have long referred to my lovers member as the Nittany Lion.”

But I digress…for Urban Meyer that flag plant was a wake-up call. Deep down he knew what needed to be done. A meeting was scheduled between Urb’s people and representatives for Smuggy the Urb Nog Mole at the IHOP just outside of Columbus.

The relationship between Urb and his mole had deteriorated to such a point that the mole had even threatened to file for emancipation from Urb’s nog. So, a sit down was long overdue.

Smuggy had been humbled by his recent defeat in US District Court in its bid to be deemed a person. The Court in its response lambasted Smuggy for, “wasting the court’s time with this idiotic and ridiculous suit.” Smuggy was visibly disappointed outside the courtroom but vowed to continue his fight for moles everywhere.

Yours truly chronicled Smuggy’s bid for personhood and correctly predicted the Buckeyes loss to the Sooners in my Week 2 RANT.

Even though Smuggy lost in court, he may have won in the end. Gabriel Macht’s mole reached out to Smuggy…

and suggested an orgy with Eva Mendes’ mole…

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and several of the moles from Morgan Freeman.

Smuggy has yet to agree to the unusual request. Although the thought of being with Macht’s mole has been a life-long fantasy, Smuggy was raised to be a bit racist so its not sure about getting with hispanic and black moles.

Regardless, Smuggy feels validated and somewhat vindicated by Macht’s mole’s request and has begun to develop a relationship with the actor’s protuberance. Urb apologized for not giving Smuggy his share of the credit for their shared success, and most importantly, not allowing Smuggy to write the forward in Urb’s latest book.

They came to the understanding that they need each other in order to achieve the greatness they both desire. So, from this point forward, Urban and Smuggy will work together… Smuggy calling the shots, and Urb coaching the team.

The impact of this alliance has been very noticeable on the field. The Buckeyes are playing well and rolling through opponents like Harvey Weinstein through young actresses.

Penn State HC James Franklin is beginning to feel the pressure of being a top-ranked team. Its sorta like when DaKidd has a great weekend in Vegas…he knows its only a matter of time before he’s in a seedy motel with a Tunica stripper and her husband.

The Nittany Lions upset victory over Ohio State last year has been a huge motivator for the Buckeyes. They are geeked and ready to show the nation that the road to the BIG 10 championship still runs through the Horseshoe.

To that end, Vegas has installed Ohio State as a 7 point fave. I think this will be a close one with the Buckeyes getting out to a 2 touchdown lead, and holding off a furious Penn State comeback. Appropriately, Penn Sodomy gets a backdoor cover with a late TD. Ohio State 24 Penn State 21.

Cat Fight on the Bayou

When LSU fired Les Miles early last season, they hoped they could get a home-run hire. When Tom Herman rebuffed their advances, along with every other big name coach, LSU turned to one of their own, Ed Orgeron.

Ed O is known as one of the best recruiters in college football, even though Coach O has never spoken an intelligible word in his life. When LSU announced the hire, cajuns ere’where came outta the bayou to celebrate. The ditches were spotless after LSU alums gathered up ingredients for their gumbo.

Of course the southern Louisiana school has long been known for their toothless tradition. Upon graduation or ten years in school, whichever comes first, LSU students have any remaining teeth extracted in a drunken ceremony that resembles a voodoo ritual.

A recent study of all colleges & universities was conducted, LSU has the highest percentage of alums who are married to a relative. Ole Miss is a close second. When polled, over 80% of respondents said they would marry their sister all over again. Questions: if two LSU grads get divorced, who keeps the trailer???

Incest as a way of life goes hand in hand with crawfish boils. Keeping it in the family is what cajun life is all about and why hiring Orgeron made so much sense, at least to an administration with no forks in the family tree.

However, when the Tigers lost to lowly Troy @ Death Valley, the lovefest came to an abrupt halt. Fortunately, Hurricane Harvey washed tons of fresh death into the swamps around Baton Rouge so Tiger fans have more important things to focus on, like storing more food for the winter.

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The Auburn Tigers come to town having not won in Death Valley this century. The only place harder to win than Death Valley is the Malzahn bedroom after a Gus loss on the field. Kristie Malzahn made it clear to Gus back when he coached Hughes High School…win and you’re in!

Waffles and punanny are more than enough motivation for Gus. He’s made winning games and plowing Kristi a way of life. She may be a bit crazy, but that pays off when shes hangs that whistle around his neck, and strips out of her cheerleader uni.

It’ll take more than motivation to beat LSU in Baton Rouge. They will need Kerryon Johnson and Jarrett Stidham to play big. Auburn has a great chance to win out and play for all the marbles.

LSU hopes to play spoiler. Sorta like when Bobby Boucher led the Mud Dogs to an upset win in the Bourbon Bowl back in ’98..

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Look for Malzahn to have maple syrup and Kristi on his breath Sunday morning as the Auburn Tigers down the LSU Tigers 19-15.

Kim Jong Un Big Trouble

Cousin Emmett just got word of fighter jets landing in College Station.   North Korean fighter jets.

Apparently the world’s largest pretend army rushed out with their air rifles and plastic cap guns and attempted to defend the Bryan/College Station people from the invasion.

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It has been widely reported that Kim Jong Un has wanted a piece of Bama for some time.  Well Kim Jong, you’ve got your chance.  Gotta hand it to the guy for going after the weaponless Aggie Army to hijack a football team.

Even knowing the North Koreans are playing in full combat gear with live ammo, Vegas only moved the line a point and a half.  The Tide are still favored 25 over the Dragons (I mean, they’re Asians, so I’m taking a stab in the dark here).

Emmett also swears he saw Kim Jong suiting up in the little dragon mascot outfit to avoid detection.  Unfortunately for the chubby chief,  the only chance North Korea stands is if someone goes all Stephen Paddock in the Tide locker room before the opening kick.  Too soon?

Yeah, f$%k you.  DaKidd has a raging hangover from dealing with some Asians himself until 6:00am this morning.

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DaKidd has a big 2-gamer on the line with Auburn and Texas Tech.  But I digress.

Bama will win this game vs. the Aggies or Dragons or whoever the hell shows up to square off with Saban’s Soldiers at Kyle Field today, but the Aggies have enough talent to backdoor cover the Tide.  Speaking of backdoor, one of these Asians is calling.  Gotta bolt.

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Bama 44  Kim Jong Aggies 24

Showers Are Safe Again

When James Franklin left the sleepy campus of Vanderbilt to take over Penn State’s Nittany Lions just 3 years removed from the “Soap A Dope” scandal, it was hailed as a great hire. The folks in Happy Valley were none-to-happy to talk about something other than Jerry Sandusky.

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Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the peeps over at NAMBLA. The North American Man Boy Love Association viewed Penn State as the perfect location to initiate new recruits.

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Long relegated to Boy Scout camps, the YMCA, and alter boys, pedophiles have historically needed to lurk around groups of boys in order to cut the weak ones from the herd. But, at Penn State they were just packed in showers. Grad assistant Joe Miller said banging boys in a shower was like shooting hicks at a concert.

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DaKidd enjoys a similar annual rite of passage when he and a few boys he graduated high school with relive their locker room soapfest at a secluded cabin in the woods of West Virginia under the guise of a fishing trip. Problem is… the only poles these boys are packing are in their shorts. No association with NAMBLA can be definitively documented but it has never been denied.

Current NAMBLA President Paul Ryan said, “Our ability to fight the oppression and prejudice that pedophiles face every day is the civil rights battle of our time.”

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Franklin has been diligently working to polish the tarnished image of Penn State. He eliminated the “how they look in the shower” criteria in favor of “how they play of the field” when recruiting players. And Lions are benefiting.

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Last season, Franklin was on the hot-seat after being blown off the field by Michigan. By the way, the hot-seat is how Sandusky used to describe his shower experiences. But, an improbable victory over THE Ohio State Buckeyes infused Franklin’s team with confidence that helped them close the season with a great run capped off by a narrow loss to USC in the Rose Bowl.

This season, Penn State is undefeated and riding high. They roll into Ryan Field as 14 point faves for an 11am kickoff. They have the best player in college football in Saquan Barkley. He looks to extend his lead in the Heisman race against a depleted Wildcat defense.

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Across the field, Pat Fitzgerald is a great motivator of mediocre but intelligent talent. Much like Franklin at Vandy, Fitz gets the most out of his student athletes when competing against the professionals that are bought and paid for at Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State.

This is a trap game for Penn State; early kickoff, road game, intelligent team. The Wildcats’ bid for an upset comes to an end with a late game score. So, take Northwestern and the points and your bank account will grow faster than the murder rate in nearby Chicago. Penn State 23 Northwestern 19.

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The Wildcats will again attempt to convince themselves that “its alright, its ok, Penn State grads will work for us one day.”

She’s a Brick…House

Cousin Emmet lives in Nashville now.  Technically it’s a motorized vehicle that’s parked in Nashville.  He has no children (not with the right number of chromosomes anyway),

and he’s decided his artistic, or autistic, gift shouldn’t die with him.

He’s been attempting to reproduce and so he’s has been selling his personally-designed hand-woven confederate flags near an Asian market in downtown.  He told me that he’s been roofie-ing smart, Asian, Vandy students in hopes of procreating.

Presumably females, but it is Emmet.

Says he slips it in their pad Thai, smokes a  fatty boom blatty, and waits.  The whole thing is disgusting.  I mean seriously.  Asians?!  If you’re gonna roofie a gal, you don’t go Asian.

I get his angle.  They’re stereotypically smart creatures, but that’s 18 years of child support and a helluva lot of bok choy to smell.

But, DaKidd don’t judge.

I just read this game is in Nashville???  Wait…Vanderbilt has a football team?  What’s the f%$k is a Commodore?  That funky band from the 70’s?  Is that the one, Penny Lover, sang for?

How can they be your mascot?  Is there a student dressed up in a Lionel Ritchie suit on the sidelines?  I’m confused.

Cousin Emmet just texted and said it’s a rank in the Navy somewhere below Admiral.

What in Nashf%$k does that mean?!

Speaking of the Commodores, “Brick House” is the nickname for the ‘Dores SEC leading defense, or should I say “Allegedly”, the SEC leading defense.

Derek Mason has the brain trust in Nashville thinking Atlanta isn’t just the place where Vandy grads go to take jobs from Yellowjacket grads.

They’re talking SEC Championship.  They’re talking undefeated season.  They’re talking National…hold your pocket protector there, Lloyd…you’re playing Alabama.  And it’s not in the Quiz Bowl.  It’s in full pads.  It doesn’t take a Vandy MBA to figure out who’s got the advantage here.

Vandy will start the game like ‘Smokes starts sex, sweaty, and full of fire.  They might even get a defensive stop or two.  But once they’ve been corn-holed like poor Song-Pham in Emmet’s van, they’ll rollover and play dead.

I saw a sign a Vandy fan was holding that said, “We want Bama”.  Ok, genius, ya got ’em.  And it’s gonna smart by the 4th quarter.  Bama rolls into Nashville and leaves destruction in its wake.

Don’t worry Song-Pham, at least that kid will be able to do oil on canvas.  Tide 49 Vandy 10.   Apologies for the short rant, but I’ve been called to Dallas for a booster meeting in case Bret Bielema loses to the Aggies…which is likely.

Upset special: Miss State 31 Georgia 21

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

A lot has changed in the year since Arkansas met Texas A&M at the Southwest Classic in Dallas. Kevin Sumlin is on the hot seat.

Donald Trump is President.

And Bobby Petrino is still a dick.

I was barely old enough to read when my father helped a young singer named Tina, get away from some mean dude named Ike. I couldn’t understand why Ike wanted to hit that nice lady. I just knew she was really sweet to me. It was great to hang out with her when we were in Europe this past spring.

For those keeping score at home, last season’s article called “Amber Alert Issued for Revielle,” chronicled the unfortunate coupling of freshmen corps of cadet hopefuls with one Reveille, the collie mascot of Texas A&M. The tradition, which can be traced back to the early sixties, is a rite of passage for anyone aspiring to high office on the campus in College Station.

The folks in Aggieland have learned some things this past year…they learned that true love knows no bounds, that Reveille is actually a female collie, and that pulling out is never a foolproof way to avoid pregnancy…even when f&$kin’ a dog!

Well, Josh McAllen, the disgraced freshman expelled for last year’s hazing incident that sent Reveille to the world famous Cooper Institute of Veterinary Research in Arlington, is now a proud new father. Reveille gave birth to her first, and probably only, litter of pups under the watchful care of Dr. Emil Chwalinski, the world’s foremost expert on human/canine relationships.

Dr. Chwalinski was deported from his homeland of Poland after its was discovered that he was attempting to start his own master race by mating Lithuanians and German Shepherds. Dr. Chwalinski was given refuge and a multi-million dollar grant to pursue his research at Texas A&M.

Both mom and pups are doing well, but the experience rendered Reveille unable to give birth again.

Even though McAllen was expelled from the University after the incident, Texas A&M has sued for custody of the pups.

According to legal documents filed in the state of Texas District Court claim that since the “alleged” incident occurred during a University sponsored event, and the father was “at the time of inception” a corps of cadet candidate, and that Reveille is “owned” by the University, any and all offspring are the de facto property of Texas A&M University.

The ACLU, GLAAD, and Americans for Beastiality have all filed Amicus Briefs opposing the Aggie position. They have asked the court to recognize the marriage of Reveille and McAllen as legal and equivalent to any other marriage.

GLAAD spokeslesbian Joan Ridge said, “Love is love. Virtually everyone likes to do it doggy-style…Josh and Reveille are THE doggy-style.”

The battle has gotten heated and is splitting the campus along party lines. College Republicans have led protests against the concept of “Manine” marriage. College Democrats staged their own protest in favor of “Manine” marriage by pulling a train on a donkey.

The upheaval on the Aggie campus has seriously upset the football team. Kyle Field has been the site of several protests. The team is split, with many of the players arguing before and after plays. Coach Sumlin is at a loss and the effects are showing up in the game and on the scoreboard.

The reason for the epic collapse in the second half of the UCLA game can be traced to a halftime argument wherein key members of the team were overheard to say, “I’ll never play with an animal lover.”

Things are a bit better in the Arkansas side but the Hogs looked lifeless in their 27-10 drubbing at the hands of the TCU Horned Frogs in Fayetteville.

Neither coach can feel comfortable at the moment, but this game can offer some redemption to the winner. It seems as though the Aggies are ready to give up and the Hogs ate ready to show the world that their effort against the Frogs was an anomaly.

The game is in Dallas, so it’s basically a home game for the Aggies. Vegas has A&M as a 2.5 point favorite. The Hogs haven’t enjoyed any success in that building since Bobby Petrino careened off a northwest Arkansas highway into a coed volleyball player’s gash.

However, Burt has a tendency to do well when he has a couple of weeks to prepare. The revamped Arkansas defense stymies and frustrates the Aggie offense forcing 2 red zone turnovers. I like the Hogs to not only cover the 2.5, but win the game outright 33-17.

In the aftermath, Coach Sumlin will update his resume. Burt will get a reprieve. And marriage between a collie and a corps of cadet members will quietly become legal in College Station, Texas.

The Catty with the Natty

When it comes to coaches who are given way too much respect for their actual on field production, no one gets more love than Louisville’s own Bobby Petrino. For a guy that’s never even sniffed a league championship, much less a shot at a Natty, Bob gets mad kudos from most.

I love a curmudgeonly, red-faced, foul-mouthed, a$$-chewing, co-ed banging, motorcycle-wrecking, lying, leave without saying goodbye ginger college football coach as much as the next guy…when they win.

In fact, being a d!ck is the God-given right of all super achievers. But in Bob’s case he ain’t got the hardware.

DaKidd loves him some Bobby “MuthaF$&kin” Petrino (BMFP). His affinity for the crimson-haired volleyball voyeur dates back to an incident at Circus Circus in 2008. DaKidd found himself in the wrong room, at the wrong time, with the wrong skanks.

After “someone” set off the fire alarm, DaKidd bumped into Petrino in the parking deck. DaKidd sandwiched between BMFP’s amply endowed “nieces” as they headed cross-town to the Wynn.

Petrino saved his bacon that night and DaKidd is forever grateful.

Louisville got off to a hot start last year with a curb stomping of Florida State and a narrow loss to the eventual national championship winner, Clemson at Death Valley. Predictably, they collapsed down the stretch, losing their last 3, including a beat down to Houston. The Cougs treated Louisville like a Baylor co-ed, taking turns plowing that endzone.

Although Lamar Jackson won the Heisman on the strength of his play in those early games, it’s not surprising that his team would reflect BMFP’s lack of character. Of course DaKidd has always respected guys who start fast but end weak…that’s the hallmark of any degenerate gambler.

This year, Petrino’s Cards and Heisman winner Lamar Jackson are flying high and hoping to upend Clemson’s bid to repeat as National Champ’s. Dabo Swinney has forever removed the “nice guys finish last” moniker and joined the likes of Danny Ford in the pantheon of South Carolina lore.

Not since they were noosing slaves to trees has so much pride been felt by this many rednecks.

To be fair, BMFP hates Dabo and all he stands for, even though Dabo used Louisville-based Papa Johns to supply all the pizzas when he fed the thousands of fans who showed up a few years ago. Dabo is the exact opposite of BMFP.

Dabo’s nice…

BMFP’s a d!ck…

Dabo is positive…

BMFP’s a d!ck…

Dabo believes anything is possible…

BMFP’s a d!ck…

Dabo has a natty…

BMFP has a neck brace…

This game ultimately comes down to which team should we trust more. Clemson has the better athletes. Clemson has the championship pedigree. Clemson has the more accomplished coach. Clemson has the more ferocious mascot. Louisville has the better basketball team.

So, I think the biggest d!ck outside of Tuscaloosa goes soft. The Tigers will discover that getting feathers outta of your mouth is as hard as “ptooing” pubes after dinner at the Y in the 70’s.

Give me the Catty with the Natty to clip the Cards 34-24.

Sooner or Later

When I got the call from a friend on the Board of Regents at Oklahoma University in Norman about Bob Stoops being fired, I was stunned.

I have never seen a guy as tenured as Bob get the axe after spring practice. There had to be more to the story.

So, I called some friends of the family who are old school Sooner boosters that are in the know.

The real story is much more sordid than I could have imagined.

Apparently Big Game Bob (as he is sarcastically known due to his penchant for coming up small in big games), had been making “hay” with several members of the OU Board of Regents and their wives in the back of the Sooner Schooner.

But with another season failing to reach the playoffs, Bob felt the the ritual known simply as “the stuffed wagon” could give OU an edge in recruiting. When Stoops’ wife, Carol, discovered Bob and several recruits and co-eds  asleep naked in the Schooner, she said enough.

Either Bob resigned or she would ruin him.

Meanwhile, over in Columbus, the Buckeyes are prepping for another run to a Natty. Coach Urban Meyer released a new book in the offseason which chronicled his team’s title season and the lessons learned.

What most don’t know is that Urb’s large nog mole has filed suit in state court seeking to be named a person. Many have speculated that Urb’s mole is the source of his overwhelming smugness.

Official court documents filed by Urb’s mole make a compelling case for the mole becoming a person. The mole takes credit for Urb’s success at Utah and the successful recruitment of Tim Tebow at Florida.

Some believe it was the strained relationship between Smuggy and Urb which caused the coach to resign from Florida.

The mole, which has some hip-hop leanings, wants to be known as “Smuggy the Urb Nog Mole.” It’s motivation for pursuing personhood is so that it can get married.

Smuggy is infatuated with Gabriel Macht’s nog mole.

It reached out to the Suits star’s dermal protrusion via Facebook but has yet to hear back. TMZ reports that Macht’s mole has been in an on-again off-again affair with Cyndi Crawford’s mole.

Smuggy isn’t deterred by the lack of response from Macht’s mole. It realizes that even if its petition is successful, same-sex marriage between moles is only legal in the country of Chad.

When asked about his mole’s suit at a recent presser, Urb declined to comment but sources close to the program say Urb’s stress level is thru the roof giving cause for concern.

First year coach Lincoln Riley hopes to forever eliminate the Stoops shadow with a huge win on the road.

In a prime time matchup between Heisman hopefuls Baker Mayfield and JT Barrett, Oklahoma rolls into town hoping to avenge last years curb stomp in Norman at the hands of Ohio State.

DaKidd’s friends out in Vegas have installed the Buckeyes as a 7.5 point favorite. But I feel there is something brewing over in Norman. The Sooners’ cement their position in the final 4 with a huge win in the Horseshoe, Sooners 33 Suckeyes 28.