A record 150,000 fans are expected to on hand in Bristol to watch the University of Tennessee battle Virginia Tech. Not since the Garden of Eden have so many people been produced from the same pool of DNA.
To say that the hillbillies from these respective locales have a history of inbreeding is like saying Colin Kaepernick is an idiot. For these fan bases, going to the family reunion is not the best place to pick up chicks, it’s the dinner table.
Of course, there was a time inbreeding may have made sense for these impoverished clans. Think about it, your baby producing daughter is gonna leave and help someone else’s family grow more clansmen??? Jed says, “not on my watch sissy.”
So, more kinfolk will get kinf$&ked under the bleachers of Bristol Motor Speedway, than when Dale Sr. was burning up the track.
Most are not aware that the toothbrush was invented in the hills of western Virginia to help the locals protect their last tooth. The invention sparked outrage in the town of Blacksburg with some residents claiming the toothbrush was the work of Satan. One of the mantras of the day was that “toothlessness was next to Godliness.”
Not much has changed. On the list of desired professions, dentist comes in below lumberjack, coal miner, and garbage collector and just above high school graduate.
But enough of the back story, what about the game?
Butch Jones had his Vols ranked in the preseason top 10 before surviving at home against Appalachian State. Apparently, the two players who can read good shared the hype with the other players because they looked like an over-confident bunch.
Now they travel up the road to Bristol to take on the Hokies and first year coach, Justin Fuente. Fuente spent the last few years making the University of Memphis program respectable. Expect Va Tech to compete in the ACC in the coming years but not this year.
The Vols are too deep and talented for Tech. Vegas has UT as an 11.5 point favorite. I expect Josh Dobbs and the Tennessee offense to score as easily as Jed Clampett with Elly May.
They will score more often than Briscoe & the Darling boys did with the lovely Charlene.
Much like DaKidd struggles to score with any woman with an IQ over 45, so too will the Hokies. So, the bonus play is to take the under. I’ve got the Vols winning 34-10. Remember, when a Tennessee RV is rocking don’t bother knocking, just wait your turn.