Category Archives: 2017 – Week 8 – Picks

APB Out for Touchdown Jesus

Cousin Emmett has finally lost it. He sent me a photo last night of Touchdown Jesus.

In his van.  Yes, Emmett stole touchdown Jesus.  He says he did it to use it as a prop for a Madonna-like naked photo shoot with his new girlfriend.

Listen, DaKidd is a freedom of expression kinda guy.  But stealing Jesus?!  Take Buddha from a temple.  Gank a Dalai Lama from the dime store.

But don’t steal touchdown Jesus.

Emmett’s gonna burn for that.  Let’s be honest, Emmett’s gonna burn for a lot of reasons.  Mostly for what happened with that Down’s Syndrome gal on the bus to Meridian.  I just stop with that.

Speaking of Down’s, does Sam Darnold have trisomy-21?  Have you seen this cat?!

Looks like he goes around campus sniffing bicycle seats.  He’s the worst “great” quarterback I’ve ever seen.

And who is even the coach at USC?  Those cheerleaders are special though, trust me, they’re special.

But this Trojan program has gone from feared to feminine.

Speaking of coaches, Brian Kelley looks like the spawn of ex-Longhorn linebacker, Lonnie Brantley, and a fat leprechaun.

Remember Brantley?  Yeah, neither does the media guide.

Kelley’s Irish have obviously made some changes from last season’s dumpster fire of a season and are one point from being undefeated.  There’s motivation for the Irish from last season’s loss to the Trojans, and the Archdioces has put out an APB for Touchdown Jesus.

Fans are convinced USC fans have stolen the statue and are desecrating it somewhere.  Little do they know the desecration and depravity going on in Emmett’s van..

USC is in the hunt still for the playoff.  But so are the Irish.  Expect a low scoring, close game in South Bend as Notre Dame wins a close one, 26-20.