Category Archives: Uncategorized

All Lives Matter!!!

Normally I refrain from commenting on social or political issues. However, this particular issue is getting out of hand. 

The whole concept of black lives matter vs blue lives matter. As if one life is more important than another. Truth is all lives matter. 

I have been blessed to travel the globe over the years and one thing is certain, life is precious… regardless of color. 

With ignorant types like Colin Kaepernick using the national anthem as an appropriate time to protest the deaths of black people at the hands of the police dominating the airwaves, I feel it is important for others to be the voice of reason. 

As reprehensible as it is for an innocent person to die in an altercation with police, the deaths of black people in altercations with other black people is more egregious. 

Not only is it more egregious, it is significantly more prevalent. 

I am a supporter of police, but I am not an apologist. Many officers are itching for confrontation. Yours truly has been known to protest the efforts of authorities to overreact and quell the freedom of people. 

I am a Libertarian who believes that government has a role, but generally cannot be trusted. That said, staring down the barrel of a service revolver is not the time to have that argument. 

The United States is the first country to take a stand against racial oppression. In fact, we lost more men in the Civil War than any other war. Sure there’s more to do, but when a black man is in the White House, I think we can dispense with all the rhetoric. 

Unfortunately, men have been attempting to control other men since the beginning. I for one have always stood for equality of all people, regardless of ethnicity. 

Protesting during the national anthem is not the way to effect change. It further divides. 

That’s the main reason I feel athletes, actors, and musicians should stay focused on their craft and not use the platform their talent created to voice their beliefs. Do that on your own time, not mine. 

There is a Proverb that says we should remove the beam in our own eye before focusing on the splinter in another’s eye. 

So, before the likes of Colin Kaepernick chooses the police as his target of disrespectful protest, he should focus his ire on others in the black community who target fellow people of color. 

When he’s successful at getting his own people to respect and value each other, then he can focus on those outside his community.

Time to man up Colin!!!

DaKidd’s Offseason Band Banks

After rehabbing from a torn meniscus sustained in the FGWC image

(Frisbee Golf World Championships if you happen to be a moron and didn’t know what it stood for), and spending 3 months of rehab with Tibetan monks and 60 days in a Bobby Teague sober house, DaKidd is back – a little older, a little wiser, and with more rubber band banks in my pocket than Kanye.

image

DaKidd has only lost at one thing this past off-season…love. Stella, the love of my life, married an ex-professional steer wrestler.

image

How the f@$k can anyone be a “professional” in that field?! And what makes one a “professional” steer wrestler as opposed to an amateur one?! When does a redneck go from being just a redneck who enjoys body raping baby cows to being considered a professional steer wrestler???

Stella told me she preferred being wrestled and branded to being handcuffed to the bed with a ball in her mouth. That one smarted.

Then the next love of my life got strung out on Vicks Vaporub…again. Yeah, don’t ask. It was a mess to clean up. I should have seen the signs…the continual fake coughing, the use of the rub as lubricant, and DEA approved ankle bracelet. But, she had a great rack and promised to have that Lucifer tramp stamp removed.

image

Alas, the rack was fake and the promise was a lie.

Then there was the lesbian waitress. More on that in the future…

But DaKidd is resilient, and he is a smart sumbitch. Much like Christmas and Valentine’s, I always go into football season sans girlfriend. It’s cheaper that way and DaKidd needs focus. So, bring on College Football and College Gameday.

Speaking of GameDay, how in holy d@mn did David “Dumbass” Pollack get that gig?!

image

This guy can’t even tie his own shoes. Herbstreit has asked DaKidd to be a guest picker, and I’m considering it, but only if “Dumbass” Pollack isn’t on the set that day. If you want to make some real money this year, bet against aLLC of his picks. Guaranteed ROI. Geez.

I will leave you with a couple of thoughts. LSU will win the national championship, and Colin Kaepernick, stand your a$$ up for the national anthem you ISIS sympathizing, sleeve-tatted, goofy f$&k.

image

Time to get your bookie back on speed dial. Time to break your man and get some new threads. Gonna be a big year..

Smokes Spring & Summer

The number one question I get when I bump into old friends is, “what have you been up to lately?” It’s been awhile since my last post so I feel an update is in order. 

Some believe my moniker, 2 Smokes, originated from my penchant to smoke at least 2 premium hand-rolled stoges a day. In reality, it’s in honor of my lover whose passion is so hot, it takes 2 smokes after just to calm me down. But I digress…

So my lover and I spent the better part of the late winter and early spring nestled away at our chalet outside of Innsbruck. Our days were spent skiing the alps and exploring the deeper truths of the Kama Sutra. Our old friends, Hans and Mimzie, kept us supplied with rare Cabs and carefully aged meats. 

Few things can motivate us to depart our earthly sanctuary, but when Chris and the guys from Coldplay asked me to help them pull off their first stadium tour, I could not resist.

We met Chris @ a Labor Day clambake on the cape a number of years ago when he and Gwynnie were dating. We were struck by his charisma and we’ve been close ever since. 

Not since I organized the first Monsters of Rock back in the early 80s have I been this enthused about a project.

Incidentally, I met Whitesnake front-man, David Coverdale, backstage @ Donnington. We decided to write a little song about my dating life and a few minutes later, “Still of the Night” was born. 

The boys have some great ideas and with a few tweaks we had crafted a stellar show. It gave the wife and I an excuse to travel the world and connect with old friends. 

Aside from some recent legal issues leaving Brazil following an incident with some US swimmers, and Wikileaks publishing my offshore banking practices creating a few sticky immigration issues, our time so far this year has been transcendent. 

Fortunately, we have the best legal team in the business. I can’t mention their other clients but one of them is a very corrupt former Senator who is running for President in a very prominent country. She may be the most corrupt politician in history, but they keep her and her philandering husband on the outside of prison. So you know they’re good. 

I recently tracked DaKidd down. Word has it he is on house arrest following what he described as “a misunderstanding.” DaKidd emphatically declared his innocence telling me, “she swore she was 18!” The fact that they were sort of related never came up. 

But, I love DaKidd! Sure he’s morally challenged, but he’s got a heart of gold. I’m sure he will regale us with tales of conquest and gambling exploits. In fact, he bragged in passing how he was the dude who manually pleasured Pioneer of the Nile, producing the seed that spawned this year’s Triple Crown Winner, American Pharoah. 

Regardless, I am excited about this year’s upcoming college football season. I look forward to sharing my thoughts about upcoming games and I’ll even handicap the US Presidential Race. Should make for a memorable fall to say the least. Are you ready for some football???

Nicky “Smokes” the Kidd!!!

Greetings and salutations!!! I am here to deliver another slate of picks sure to fill you with sargasmic pleasure. My lesser esteemed colleague, KiddVegas, is probably fishing with a couple of dudes working on his excuse for not delivering anything of value for the fourth week in a row.

Unfortunately, the Kidd’s love life has hit another snag. His bitches are going at it like a pair of terriers going after a tennis ball. It ain’t pretty, but, being the gentleman that I am, I offered him one of Nicaragua’s finest and a finger of rum to lay it out.

Here’s the deal, erebody knows your man Smokes is hooked up with one of the finest Latina babes this side of Ixtapa. I have attempted to share my wisdom with the Kidd, but he’s got more Vegas in him than Liberace. Here’s hoping the Kidd finally shows up, if not, Uncle Nicky will have to carry this thing…again.

Where’s DaKidd?

The Kidd’s a crafty little bugger. After getting royally spanked by Smokes the last few weeks on his picks, the Kidd promised to “show up” this week. THEN, he starts complaining that his voice is going out, then he says he’s sick…no doubt setting up the “I was under the weather and could not perform at my best” excuse.

Sure, he will put forth some semblance of an effort, but he’s already got the built in excuse for why he got spanked…AGAIN!!! I have it on good authority that the Kidd spent the week watching “The Notebook” and shoveling gallons of Woo Pig Chewie in his pie hole. Probably won’t even get his picks in on time. Once again, Smokes will need to carry the load…prepare to be dazzled!!!

Hello world!

The irreveRANT is the brainchild of Nicky 2 Smokes and Kidd Vegas. We have been friends for awhile and are kings of Sargasm!!! We, and our close friends, have been enjoying our particular brand of sarcastic humor. We mix sports, politics, pop-culture and personal experiences in our “RANTs.” Nothing is off limits.

Please keep in mind that everything we do and say is done so in jest and should be taken as such. We are crude, rude, use foul language, refer to awful things, and pretty much dog anyone and everyone. If you are easily offended, go somewhere else.

For the rest of you, welcome to our world!!!