Sooner or Later

When I got the call from a friend on the Board of Regents at Oklahoma University in Norman about Bob Stoops being fired, I was stunned.

I have never seen a guy as tenured as Bob get the axe after spring practice. There had to be more to the story.

So, I called some friends of the family who are old school Sooner boosters that are in the know.

The real story is much more sordid than I could have imagined.

Apparently Big Game Bob (as he is sarcastically known due to his penchant for coming up small in big games), had been making “hay” with several members of the OU Board of Regents and their wives in the back of the Sooner Schooner.

But with another season failing to reach the playoffs, Bob felt the the ritual known simply as “the stuffed wagon” could give OU an edge in recruiting. When Stoops’ wife, Carol, discovered Bob and several recruits and co-eds  asleep naked in the Schooner, she said enough.

Either Bob resigned or she would ruin him.

Meanwhile, over in Columbus, the Buckeyes are prepping for another run to a Natty. Coach Urban Meyer released a new book in the offseason which chronicled his team’s title season and the lessons learned.

What most don’t know is that Urb’s large nog mole has filed suit in state court seeking to be named a person. Many have speculated that Urb’s mole is the source of his overwhelming smugness.

Official court documents filed by Urb’s mole make a compelling case for the mole becoming a person. The mole takes credit for Urb’s success at Utah and the successful recruitment of Tim Tebow at Florida.

Some believe it was the strained relationship between Smuggy and Urb which caused the coach to resign from Florida.

The mole, which has some hip-hop leanings, wants to be known as “Smuggy the Urb Nog Mole.” It’s motivation for pursuing personhood is so that it can get married.

Smuggy is infatuated with Gabriel Macht’s nog mole.

It reached out to the Suits star’s dermal protrusion via Facebook but has yet to hear back. TMZ reports that Macht’s mole has been in an on-again off-again affair with Cyndi Crawford’s mole.

Smuggy isn’t deterred by the lack of response from Macht’s mole. It realizes that even if its petition is successful, same-sex marriage between moles is only legal in the country of Chad.

When asked about his mole’s suit at a recent presser, Urb declined to comment but sources close to the program say Urb’s stress level is thru the roof giving cause for concern.

First year coach Lincoln Riley hopes to forever eliminate the Stoops shadow with a huge win on the road.

In a prime time matchup between Heisman hopefuls Baker Mayfield and JT Barrett, Oklahoma rolls into town hoping to avenge last years curb stomp in Norman at the hands of Ohio State.

DaKidd’s friends out in Vegas have installed the Buckeyes as a 7.5 point favorite. But I feel there is something brewing over in Norman. The Sooners’ cement their position in the final 4 with a huge win in the Horseshoe, Sooners 33 Suckeyes 28.

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