The Unusual Request

Ohio State has been fighting an uphill battle to get back into the playoff hunt since being embarrassed on their home field by Baker Mayfield and the Oklahoma Sooners.

Getting an opponents flag planted at  midfield in your home stadium is like getting asked to share a shower by Jerry Sandusky.

By the way, a petition to officially change the name of Penn State University to Penn Sodomy University is up to 453 people, which accounts for the entire published enrollment for NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association).

NAMBLA President Paul Ryan says, “Bringing sodomy out of the Penn State showers and into the mainstream is our number one objective. I have long referred to my lovers member as the Nittany Lion.”

But I digress…for Urban Meyer that flag plant was a wake-up call. Deep down he knew what needed to be done. A meeting was scheduled between Urb’s people and representatives for Smuggy the Urb Nog Mole at the IHOP just outside of Columbus.

The relationship between Urb and his mole had deteriorated to such a point that the mole had even threatened to file for emancipation from Urb’s nog. So, a sit down was long overdue.

Smuggy had been humbled by his recent defeat in US District Court in its bid to be deemed a person. The Court in its response lambasted Smuggy for, “wasting the court’s time with this idiotic and ridiculous suit.” Smuggy was visibly disappointed outside the courtroom but vowed to continue his fight for moles everywhere.

Yours truly chronicled Smuggy’s bid for personhood and correctly predicted the Buckeyes loss to the Sooners in my Week 2 RANT.

Even though Smuggy lost in court, he may have won in the end. Gabriel Macht’s mole reached out to Smuggy…

and suggested an orgy with Eva Mendes’ mole…

Image result for eva mendes mole

and several of the moles from Morgan Freeman.

Smuggy has yet to agree to the unusual request. Although the thought of being with Macht’s mole has been a life-long fantasy, Smuggy was raised to be a bit racist so its not sure about getting with hispanic and black moles.

Regardless, Smuggy feels validated and somewhat vindicated by Macht’s mole’s request and has begun to develop a relationship with the actor’s protuberance. Urb apologized for not giving Smuggy his share of the credit for their shared success, and most importantly, not allowing Smuggy to write the forward in Urb’s latest book.

They came to the understanding that they need each other in order to achieve the greatness they both desire. So, from this point forward, Urban and Smuggy will work together… Smuggy calling the shots, and Urb coaching the team.

The impact of this alliance has been very noticeable on the field. The Buckeyes are playing well and rolling through opponents like Harvey Weinstein through young actresses.

Penn State HC James Franklin is beginning to feel the pressure of being a top-ranked team. Its sorta like when DaKidd has a great weekend in Vegas…he knows its only a matter of time before he’s in a seedy motel with a Tunica stripper and her husband.

The Nittany Lions upset victory over Ohio State last year has been a huge motivator for the Buckeyes. They are geeked and ready to show the nation that the road to the BIG 10 championship still runs through the Horseshoe.

To that end, Vegas has installed Ohio State as a 7 point fave. I think this will be a close one with the Buckeyes getting out to a 2 touchdown lead, and holding off a furious Penn State comeback. Appropriately, Penn Sodomy gets a backdoor cover with a late TD. Ohio State 24 Penn State 21.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *